What to do When You’re No Longer Trusted

The Ripple You Can't Afford to Ignore

When a pastor has a moral implosion, the collapse of his character sends shock waves in every direction. Like ripples on the surface of a pond, the resulting consequences from his choices rock the church deeply.

The most obvious shockwaves are physical: what ears hear, and eyes see. Church members hear the news of what he did (possibly struggling to believe it’s true), and his abruptly exit from the ministry is clearly seen (his physical absence is disturbing).

Yet woven amid the physical shockwaves of a moral implosion are powerful heart shockwaves that are too often ignored. One of the most significant is the repercussion of broken trust.

  • Trust is broken because the pastor said one thing but was living another.
  • Trust is broken as it’s now evident how he used his position for himself.
  • Trust is broken as people wonder when he spoke what was a lie and what was the truth.
  • Trust is broken as people feel foolish and angry for being deceived.

The significant and respected role that pastors have in the personal life of church members means that when trust is broken it may be a long time before people are willing to trust someone else in a similar role.

“Trust is like blood pressure. It’s silent, vital to good health, and if abused it can be deadly.”  -Frank Sonnenberg, author of Follow Your Conscience

Church leaders, who are left to pick-up the pieces after an abrupt pastoral departure, need to be aware that the most damaging nature of the broken trust shockwave is not physical but relational.

In addition, there is one other confusing and perplexing aspect of the broken trust shockwave. The damage is not restricted to the relationship between church member and the former pastor. Rightly or wrongly, it often splashes over on the rest of the leadership team. Broken trust with the pastor often results in broken trust with everyone else on the leadership team. Why? Here is what some are thinking:

  • If our pastor was doing this, were some of the rest of our leaders also doing it too?
  • How could our leaders not have known what he was doing? Were they covering it up?
  • If the moral failure was sexual, then often the women of the church wonder if the leadership team has objectified women? They don’t know if they are safe at church.

This scenario presents very real relational challenges to the leadership team. You can’t demand others trust you! Trust is broken quickly but rebuilt slowly. It’s much like a brick wall that collapses to rubble. Rebuilding takes time as one brick after another is put in place.

“When mistrust comes in, loves goes out.” –Irish proverb

Is it possible for the leadership team to design a strategy to rebuild trust? Absolutely. The strategy will need to incorporate at least two elements:

  1. Acknowledge the elephant in the room.

Publicly acknowledge that many in the church may not know if they can trust their leaders. It doesn’t matter if there is any truth to their doubts and skepticism. It’s the impression they have. Simply recognize that is the current tone in the church.

  1. Commit to the process of rebuilding trust.

Since rebuilding trust takes time, promise to work on earning the church’s trust again. Openly admit that this will not be a quick process but it’s important to the leadership team that the church trust them once again.

So once the broken trust is acknowledged, and there is a public commitment to rebuilding it, how do you move forward?

Ken Blanchard in his book Trust Works gives a great model of the key elements of trust. It’s called the ABCD model of trust. Leadership teams can use this model to identify which aspects of trust need attention.

Able
Does the church believe the leadership team has the competence to lead the church? This is more than having an educational degree or the experience of having served in that role for many years. It involves having Spirit-led wisdom, training, and skill.

Believable
Believability is all about a leader’s godly character as revealed in their behavior. Godly leaders have hearts of biblical integrity: what they are in public is what they are in private. They are not motivated by hidden or worldly agendas.

Connected
Trust is built, or rebuilt, when leaders demonstrate a sincere care for those they lead. They are open and available to those they lead. They listen well, they give their full attention in conversations, and they are quick to pray. In short, they are Christ-like shepherds caring for the hearts of others.

Dependable
We trust leaders we can count on. When they give their word, they do it. We can rely on them because we believe they are following the Lord. Dependable leaders stand in the gap and are willing to sacrifice. As Aslan told the first King and Queen of Narnia in The Magician’s Nephew, lead the charge and be the last one in retreat.

All it takes is one of the above elements to be damaged for trust to be broken. And, the more elements in question, the deeper the broken trust, and the more time it will take to rebuild.

When trust is broken, the first step towards rebuilding is to ask and identify which of the four elements of trust has been damaged. As I’ve already mentioned, it doesn’t matter if the accusation is real or only the impression others have. Start right where people are and commit yourself to showing over time how as one of the church leaders you are a person of competence, integrity, who cares, and is reliable.

These four elements of trust can give you a template for building an action plan to rebuild trust with the church. Ask others to give you the time and opportunity to repair what’s been damaged.

Many a man proclaims his own loyalty, but who can find a trustworthy man? -Proverbs 20:6